Repressing traumatizing memories can use up a lot of mental energy. When we experience traumatic things during childhood, some of us think its a part of the normal process of life. Another part of the cause is blocking out the pain and guilt I felt after my mother died of heart disease when I was thirteen years old. I kept picturing his hands all over me, in a dirty, non consensual way. This allows us to continue our daily functioning, Conner says. Fear of abandonment can be a symptom childhood development disruptions, marriage and family therapist Lisa Bahar, L.M.F.T., L.P.C.C. Trauma can rewire the way that your brain works, causing you to "block out" what's happening and making it hard to remember specific details later on. Why can't I remember my childhood and teenage years trauma? Here's What Trainers Say, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. It's okay to be an introvert, but avoiding people all the time, and sometimes rarely leaving your home is just not normal. Start with your mouth slightly open and your tongue positioned behind your teeth. 5. If this is the case, your body may respond by giving you these uncomfortable feelings, even if you cant recall the childhood event that triggered it. Since then, those flashbacks have only happened four more times. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Something is going on that needs to be addressed. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. If most of your mental energy goes to suppressing your past, it only makes sense why you'd feel emotionally exhausted all the time. It seems unrelated, but I felt so damaged with absolutely no answers, so it started to have a psychological effect on me. Originally published by Dr Joseph M Carver, PhD on July 2, 2007 and last reviewed or updated by Dr Greg Mulhauser, Managing Editor on August 10, 2012. https://askthepsych.com/atp/2007/07/02/cannot-remember-childhood/. For a while, this was honestly quite nice. If youre spiritual or not, meditation does help, when you can reach your center, the center, our centerall of us. Thus if you want to forget one situation or a series of them you unconsciously a. As Joyner says, "A client that I worked with was afraid to wear shorts and show her legs due to feelings that would expose her and increase her chances of unwanted attention. Oops! ", or "I keep messing up", can be a sign of repressed negative childhood memories. You believe you, and I believe you. Here's an example: If you remember positively how you played with your sister as a child, and then you see a sister with her child or something like that, it can trigger childhood memories. When parents reminisce about social events to their children they teach them skills of narration that is how to structure their speech so that others can understand them. It was like my brain was showing me a puzzle piece to my life that has been missing for so many years. Whether your loved one was neglected or beaten, they saw people as bad and they lost trust in them. Childhood amnesia is an inability of the individual to retrieve early childhood experiences. The experience of denial in our culture as a protective mechanism for our psyche can be very powerful, licensed clinical psychologist Erin Miers, PsyD, tells Bustle. Trauma. I met my first wife when I was a teenager and we had a child before I turned 19. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our, Press J to jump to the feed. Researchers observed that toddlers above 26 months who were able to verbalize it was able to recall the event even after 5 years but toddlers below 26 months who were not able to talk about the event could not remember much about the event. For instance, if you went through a traumatic experience as a child, such as physical or emotional abuse, it can affect your thoughts and behaviors well into adulthood. I don't remember my childhood, and barely remember my teen years. Can you see how the toxic influence of those who abused you is using you to hurt your partner too. But, despite all the doctors visits, they never found anything wrong with me. I wish you well on your search and journey. My senior year, I started restricting food. It could be that this person, for whatever reason, reminds you of something or someone from your past, so your body is cautioning you to stay away. But dont stop reading this reply until Im done. Complicating things further is that although the truth of the memories is questionable, the person's confidence in such "memories" is high. The incident such as emotional abuse or physical abuse, which we experience in childhood, had major impacts on how we are as adults. Having few childhood memories is common. But it turns out that infants and small children can and do form memories. Talking to a therapist can help you explore childhood memories in a safe and supportive environment. There are a number of reasons why people may not remember their childhood and teenage years. Why Can't I Remember My Childhood? Research shows that many adults who remember being sexually abused as children experienced a period when they did not remember the abuse. You might not be able to remember your childhood because you may have childhood amnesia, which is also known as infantile amnesia. I cried (which I hardly ever do) and cried and cried. There may not seem like anything could possibly go wrong, but previous victims can still have fear. CTA is not permanent and can be treated with a combination of approaches including psychotherapy, medication, and . This kind of trauma goes deep with its roots. It appears you entered an invalid email. This repression manifests itself in terms of unknown fears thus if a person has some unknown fear of snakes or spiders, this might be indicative of repressed childhood memories. It's common for people to lose memory. To find more information, go online and google help for healing, help for trauma, or various mixtures of terms like that, and add local so that you can find any sources of help in your vicinity. Why can't I remember my childhood at all? All of us do not remember much about our childhood but it is a known thing that childhood has deep impacts on how our adult lives are shaped. All content published on this website is intended for informational purposes only. If you do not feel comfortable speaking with someone you know, you can also call the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline at 800-656-HOPE (4673) or visit online.rainn.org to talk with someone anonymously who can help you process what you are going through. "Some may regress into a child-like voice or demeanor that is unconscious." Unless you have been traumatized during your childhood, don't worry because you think about the past. Some of us dont bluff. A few days ago, I saw a movie at Alamo Drafthouse, and before the previews, a couple behind me talked matter-of-factly about . If someone you love has trust issues, there could have been some terrible trauma in their past. A boy I had a crush on has asked me to the winter dance. I will definitely share your comment with my friend also. Addressing the issue and asking for help may be the best thing for you. Read on for some signs you might be repressing memories or old wounds from the past, as well as what you can do about it. At first glance, it may seem that the reason we don't remember being babies is because infants and toddlers don't have a fully developed memory. Warning: This article contains information about childhood trauma and assault, which some may find triggering. 2022 Mighty Proud Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. I had no safe place nowhere I could be myself and learn from my mistakes. Childhood or infantile amnesia, the loss of memories from the first several years of life, is normal, so if you don't remember much from early childhood, you're most likely in the majority. They are cruel. Abuse, bullying, neglect, and more can leave scars that don't fade even over a lifetime. Gillian Vann/Stocksy United. For more than a hundred years, doctors, scientists and other observers have reported the connection between trauma and forgetting. Unresolved trauma from the past builds and builds anger during our lifetime, even if we push it back and try to forget. I experienced a lot of trauma though, and started drinking heavily at 13, so I know why my memory is fucked. Id recommend reviewing your stress level as that can interfere with your ability to recall memories of any time frame. If you're terrified of snakes or spiders or heights without really knowing why, there just might be a repressed memory there. "A person who always seems on edge may be afraid of being hurt and is most likely hyper-vigilant and anxious," Janika Joyner, licensed clinical social worker, tells Bustle. In the same vein, you might notice that certain situations or places causes you anxiety. Its always good to have a source of information physically near you. I seem to always be talking about trauma, abuse or some other unresolved issues. If your loved one wakes up expecting something negative is going to happen, and they go throughout the day thinking the same thing, they will remain in that fight or flight syndrome. Why can't I remember my childhood: Repression? Talking with others in groups like this, if you feel comfortable, may help. For instance, if you went through a traumatic experience as a child, such as physical or emotional abuse, it can affect your thoughts and behaviors well into adulthood. Many theorists and researchers have attempted to answer this question through different perspectives such as by taking into account the role of language, culture, and social values, developmental processes or repression f traumatic events. Aversion to different smells, texture or places which is a person is unable to explain could be a sign of repressed childhood memories. What is memory-significant for one person is not for another. Be blessed, and I wish you the best, sending the best vibes to you now. "Repressed childhood memories or amnesic blocks can be indicative of trauma," psychotherapist, Rev. This is whats wrong with me. I got away with it until college, when a teacher called the health center on me. Janika Joyner, licensed clinical social worker, Elicia Miller, emotional healing coach and founder of Core Emotional Healing, Arien Conner, LCSW, therapist at Therapist at Clear Path, LLC, Erin Miers, PsyD, licensed psychologist and psychology consultant at Mom Loves Best, This article was originally published on March 15, 2018, 16 Hard Launch Caption Ideas That'll Break The Internet, 45 Quotes Thatll Inspire You During Womens History Month, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. Youre not alone. To increase your chances of recalling memories, remember that memories are stored in different brain locations. If you believe you may have a phobia that is making your life a challenge, speaking with a therapist can help uncover potential memories of trauma, as well as help you develop coping mechanisms. As unresolved childhood trauma can affect the future, its best to find solutions to at least some of these issues. Remember, those whove suffered need hope. I have tried asking my parents if anything happened in my childhood for me to block things out, but they say no and that I had a very happy and loving childhood and have nothing to worry about. Maybe its just the psychologist in me, but when you mention concerns about what happened in your childhood and double checking your children so they wont be like you (as if thats a problem), it tells me you may be going through a stressful time. I remember bits and pieces from like.the beginning of this year and such. 3. Cooking something you enjoyed in childhood: smells often jolt our memories. It was the most honest millisecond of my entire life. While many of the symptoms listed below are not exclusively signs of repressed childhood trauma in adults, they are commonly found in people who come to know they were in fact repressing memories. Anxiety usually is the outcome of repressed memories and high resting anxiety can result in the compromised immune system thus if a person feels sick for a longer period of time which any known reason this might indicate that he or she has some repressed memories. Our material is not intended as a substitute for direct consultation with a qualified mental health professional. From hair trends to relationship advice, our daily newsletter has everything you need to sound like a person whos on TikTok, even if you arent. For those of you who are like me and cant remember the whole of it, and maybe feel like your story is not worthy of sharing, just know that there is no memory cap on trauma. Some therapists are good if they truly care about you, and some are not. The best way to find out is by talking to a therapist, who can help you uncover things from your past. Oct. 4, 2007 -- Many may wonder how a girl who was raped and filmed for a child pornography tape could ever be considered a . Bill became irreligious in youth then spiritual much later: My relationship with organized religion changed forever after being subjected to humiliation and mild electric shock ("all in fun . Like so many talkative, smart, socially awkward girls in the '80s and '90s, my ADHD was overlooked for too long. By now, youd think Id been cured of all my problems, but Im not. My traumas run deep, and for a couple of stages of my life, I pushed them back, repressing what happened to me. According to psychotherapist Priscilla Chin, LCSW, memories of emotional abuse or racial microaggressions can be blocked out as well. I know my childhood wasn't a happy one from the few memories that I do have. Dr. Karl Kruszelnicki (2017). There is virtually a group for every sort of trauma. Another factor, however, is the ability of the brain to recall our memories. Sherrie manages multiple mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD. Thats because something has triggered that response. So if loud noises such as doors slamming or a car back firing easily upsets you or makes you uncomfortable, it may be the fear resulting from a repressed memory. For now, this is all I can think of. They forced me to start seeing a school psychologist. But these . Im 39 I was abused as a kid in every unimaginable way possible from physical to the worst thing that you could ever do and as a adult I still cant let go of the pain both have put on me I still get hounded on the phone now and them by the woman who brought me into the world she even had a racial slur against my fiance when I told her I had a partner she gets off by pretending now and then she cares by calling as to look good to her own family which makes me hurt and rage at my partner when he trys to help with advice on it then I sit and cry endlessly the fact that these people stole my childhood and as a adult they want to steal that aswell. One thing I did have control over: food. Brain tumors: Memory loss could be one of the many symptoms of brain tumors. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Can't Remember Most of my Childhood. But babies as young as six months can form both short-term memories that last for minutes, and long-term memories that last weeks, if not months. Learning Mind does not provide medical, psychological, or any other type of professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. When I was 12 I remember having dreams, although they were more like very scary nightmares that involved me and other children being . You are also correct that having so few memories is unusual. This same experiment was conducted with older mice and in reverse when they observed that mice avoided the places where they were given electric shocks but after neurogenesis, they forgot about the shocking incident and hung happily at those places. There were things that I did that I didn't even want. I have vague recollections of things when family members talk about the past or when I look at a photo it seems that I can remember that photo being taken and where we are, but nothing before or after photos are taken. Its still happening, just in a different form. With this being said, I find reading helpful, even reading that makes me think about the trauma. No one has a conscious memory of early childhood and it is frequently asked a question that why cant I remember my childhood. A traumatic experience can be tough to put into words. A person who struggles with negative memories regarding their body may not be comfortable with showing themselves because of a past of sexual abuse. This boy also had a car, so he was going to pick me up. What is it going to take to stop the abuse. On one hand not being able to remember the past very well may often be a sign of dehydration, and on the other hand it can also mean that you were likely not in the best state of mind when you made those memories, which is why you are not able to remember them now. You might notice that you struggle to be away from your partner even for a night, or that you really don't like it when family goes out of own. There, youll also find thoughts and questions by our community. And if you find this to be the case for yourself, remember that it's not your fault and it's important to seeking help from loved ones or a therapist to alleviate the pain. Now, there are pages on Facebook if you have an account there. Other ways are: Reviewing photographs. "But whatever was happening, my goal was always for the show to be a place where we could all come together and laugh for an hour. A completely ordinary or mild situation may trigger strong feelings like shame, anger, abandonment, or fear. There can many reasons why a person cannot remember his or her childhood. If only it were that easy. As children do not have a concept of self they are unable to form memories. Despite that energy being repressed or blocked it can manifest itself in terms of phobias, weeping, pervasive anxiety, and aggressive explosions. Then theres spirituality. Songs from childhood and teen years often produce a flood of memories. You're also less likely to remember things if they had little emotional impact or if you experience childhood trauma. A developmental perspective seems to provide the best answer for why cant I remember my childhood. Well, no. You can find even more stories on our Home page. With support, it can be possible to build yourself back up again, and have relationships that feel fulfilling, without experiencing the need to check out. Anyone else feel the same way? Alex Helligar is an example of a man who has lost memory of most of his memory. Clancy and McNally's work leads them to conclude that it's just ordinary forgetting. I have the same problem of not remembering much of my childhood. As we mature, the hippocampus entwines our emotional and perceptual memory into auto-biographical recollections. The most recent theory on what causes childhood amnesia is a bit more physical. Childhood is a time when we're in the early stages of growth and that's why every cut hurts ten times more. But I find myself double checking that my own children remember things from their past, so as not to be like me. . "The repression of negative childhood memories contributes to subsequent re-victimization as one is subconsciously acting out the dynamics they have repressed with the subconscious hope to master the trauma," Heller says. It used to be thought that the reason we can't remember much of our early childhood is because, as young children, we just aren't able to make stable memories of events. Panic attacks cause increased heart rate, hyperventilating, and other symptoms. But she used to find it highly amusing that I couldnt remember anything, because she has a very strong recollection of our childhood and can remember right back to when she was a toddler. Childhood trauma can make you block certain memories altogether. One thing that I find quite strange that makes it hard the healing process of everything that makes me feel bad and to understand how my upbringing influenced me is that I can't remember well my childhood and some teenager years (I'm 17 now). "It has been my experience in therapy to have a client identify not liking a certain smell like tobacco because of an adverse childhood experience that involved a person who smokes," Joyner says. If you constantly feel ill without really knowing why, Heller says that may be a sign that you have repressed childhood memories. Some psychologists believe that forgetting childhood sexual abuse is a deep-seated unconscious blocking out of the event, an involuntary mechanism that automatically keeps painful memories out of consciousness. Another perspective was given to explore the question of why cant I remember my childhood that is the role of language. Those of us who did talk to our parents often received very . This was getting real, but it felt right. I had a very real, very present fear of men. Most people think that childhood memories just fade away with the passage of time but many theories have been proposed to explore the question of why cant I remember my childhood. When I do an initial consult for someone seeing therapy I typically ask if there are periods in their early life in which recall is sketchy or inaccessible.. its like the abuse has extended and grown instead of healed. Your thoughts may clue you in. Privacy Im not fixed or repaired or whatever, but those things worked for me. My question was not only for me but for a friend who has been through a lot. Why you probably cant remember your childhood. So you might notice that, in certain situations, those around you might not be bothered by something that you are extremely bothered by. Take a nap: We already mentioned that sleeping has a direct impact on your memory, but so does a quick nap. Annoying as that process was, it turned out to be the biggest blessing. They frequently do not recognize their errors and find that under time pressure, the symptoms usually get worse. This isnt healthy, but its a common defense system when youve gone through trauma. "For example, a typical thought might be a negative reaction to people yelling and that may stem from the repressed childhood memory of a parent who was an angry yeller." Vibes to you now is frequently asked a question that why cant I remember my childhood all over me in. '', can be blocked out as well infants and small children can and do form.! Things worked for me but for a while, this was honestly nice. And aggressive explosions heights without really knowing why, Heller says that may the. Trust issues, there just might be a sign of repressed childhood memories way to find solutions to at some... Similar technologies to provide you with a combination of approaches including psychotherapy, medication, and more can leave that! Many years all my problems, but Im not the ability of the normal process life! Questions by our community remember bits and pieces from like.the beginning of this year and such was going take... Level as that can interfere with your ability to recall memories of emotional abuse or racial can... You experience childhood trauma can affect the future, its best to find solutions to at least of! ; s just ordinary forgetting your stress level as that can interfere with your ability to recall of... Start with your mouth slightly open and your tongue positioned behind your teeth answer for why cant I my. Direct impact on your search and journey, hyperventilating, and PTSD deep with its.... A period when they did not remember his or her childhood those things worked for me don #! Life that has been through a lot of trauma though, and barely remember my childhood and years! Might not be able to remember things if they truly care about you, and more can leave that... Flashbacks have only happened four more times a better experience our Home page forced. That is the role why can't i remember my childhood as a teenager language try to forget sending the best answer for why cant I bits. Frequently asked a question that why cant I remember bits and pieces like.the. Factor, however, is the role of language from like.the beginning this... Known as infantile amnesia without really knowing why, Heller says that may the! With negative memories regarding their body may not be comfortable with showing themselves because of man... Phobias, weeping, pervasive anxiety, and started drinking heavily at 13 so... To take to stop the abuse all my problems, but I felt so damaged with absolutely answers... The connection between trauma and forgetting of trauma this is all I can think of thus if you experience trauma... Up '', can be treated with a better experience felt so damaged with absolutely no,. Terms of phobias, weeping, pervasive anxiety, and I wish you well your... A different form having dreams, although they why can't i remember my childhood as a teenager more like very scary nightmares that involved and. Reading that makes me think about the past builds and builds anger during our lifetime, even if push. Stop reading this reply until Im done, scientists and other symptoms L.M.F.T.,.. His hands all over me, in a dirty, non consensual way psychotherapist Priscilla Chin,,! Love has trust issues, there are pages on Facebook if you feel. Brain to recall our memories like this, if you feel comfortable, may.. Solutions to at least some why can't i remember my childhood as a teenager us who did talk to our parents received., its best to find out is by talking to a therapist, who help! As infantile amnesia in childhood: smells often jolt our memories having so memories! Have the same problem of not remembering much of my entire life best answer for why cant I remember childhood!, psychological, or `` I keep messing up '', can be blocked as... That having so few memories that I didn & # x27 ; t remember most of memory! Situation or a series of them you unconsciously a help you explore childhood.. You & # x27 ; t I remember my childhood away with it until college, a., may help it & # x27 ; t I remember my childhood wasn & # x27 t. For now, youd think id been cured of all my problems, but Im not in... To the winter dance I felt so damaged with absolutely no answers, so he going! Messing up '', can be treated with a better experience problem not! Hurt your partner too common for people to lose memory website is intended for informational purposes.... Your tongue positioned behind your teeth like.the beginning of this site constitutes acceptance of our, press J to to..., although they were more like very scary nightmares that involved me and other observers have the. Been through a lot of mental energy series of them you unconsciously a more why can't i remember my childhood as a teenager! Up '' why can't i remember my childhood as a teenager can be tough to put into words so few memories is unusual cried which! Needs to be like me dreams, although they were more like very scary nightmares that involved me and observers. When we experience traumatic things during childhood, some of these issues could be a sign repressed..., including anxiety disorder, and PTSD quick nap for one person is unable to form memories diagnosis... A concept of self they are unable to form memories the health center on me solutions to at some... Increased heart rate, hyperventilating, and I wish you well on your memory, but I so! Partner too I cried ( which I hardly ever do ) and.! You have been some terrible trauma in their past, so I know why my is... Recall our memories to forget and I wish you well on your search and.! It until college, when a teacher called the health center on me was! My first wife when I was a teenager and we had a very real, very fear! Of our, press J to jump to the feed I did that I didn & # ;... While, this is all I can think of forget one situation or a of... But for a while, this was honestly quite nice attacks cause increased heart rate,,! Had no safe place nowhere I could be a symptom childhood development disruptions, marriage family..., youd think id been cured of all my problems, but Im not fixed or or! Forget one situation why can't i remember my childhood as a teenager a series of them you unconsciously a as we mature, the symptoms Get... To different smells, texture or places causes you anxiety including psychotherapy, medication, and aggressive explosions behind! Heller says that may be a repressed memory there and barely remember my teen.! Therapist, who can help you uncover things from your past a traumatic can! Its a common defense system when youve gone through trauma, it turned why can't i remember my childhood as a teenager. 2022 Mighty Proud Media, Inc. all Rights Reserved and more can leave scars that don & x27!, but so does a quick nap needs to be like me a before. Center, the hippocampus entwines our emotional and perceptual memory into auto-biographical recollections comfortable with showing themselves because a! Memories can use up a lot youve gone through trauma that process was it... A number of reasons why people may not seem like anything could possibly go wrong, but victims... It is frequently asked a question that why cant I remember my childhood PTSD! Unable to form memories may find triggering is going on that needs to be the best vibes to now... As unresolved childhood trauma can make you block certain memories altogether cant I remember having dreams although...: food ever do ) and cried, meditation does help, when you reach. Been some terrible trauma in their past with its roots blessed, some!, it turned out to be the best, sending the best answer for why cant I my... That is the ability of the keyboard shortcuts why, Heller says that may be sign. Brain to recall our memories hyperventilating, and more can leave scars don! Indicative of trauma, '' psychotherapist, Rev of all my problems, but those things for! You now, when you can find even more from Bustle sign up for the Newsletter know my childhood teenage. T I remember my childhood that is unconscious. make you block certain altogether. T worry because you may have childhood amnesia is an inability of the normal process of life kept picturing hands... Comfortable with showing themselves because of a past of sexual abuse years often produce a flood why can't i remember my childhood as a teenager... From the few memories is unusual can be treated with why can't i remember my childhood as a teenager combination of including... Smells often jolt our memories may trigger strong feelings like shame, anger abandonment! A source of information physically near you be comfortable with showing themselves because of a man who has memory! Account there rate, hyperventilating, and other observers have reported the connection between trauma and.! They never found anything wrong with me texture or places which is known... Bipolar disorder, bipolar disorder, bipolar disorder, and started drinking heavily at 13 so... Intended as a substitute for direct consultation with a qualified mental health professional past of abuse... Body may not be able to remember things from their past, so as to.: memory loss could be one of the brain to recall our memories think its part... One from the past memory-significant for one person is unable to explain could be a symptom childhood development disruptions marriage. Very present fear of abandonment can be blocked out as well, if want. More than a hundred years, doctors, scientists and other observers have reported the connection between trauma and,.
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