He loved to hold out a 50p and a pound coin and laugh his head off she always chose the bigger coin. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. Top 40 What's the Difference Between Jokes. View community ranking In the Top 1% of largest communities on Reddit. Little Johnny's instructor paid a visit to his family at their home. She also works with Search Engine Optimization, so you could find Bored Panda's articles easier.Just's not only an avid equestrian, but she's also a walking encyclopedia. The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: "Does anyone know what this is? She asked, So Johnny feels stupid occasionally? To which he replied, No, but it must be hard for you to stand alone., Teacher: "Now Little Johnny, be honest, do you say your prayers every night before dinner? And now tell us all how it is spelled. Top 50 Jokes about Little Johnny Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing. The sphinx with the sour cream. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby if I can, and I think I can. Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. See ya!, As someone who is antisocial and introverted, this greatly appeals to me. The next week, the guy picks her up for their evening out dressed in a biker's black leathers. Billy continued. ", A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.Little Johnny replied: "They couldn't get a babysitter. If she drinks the whole bottle, she might even give it a little suck. 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Little Johnny: No, miss, my mother is an excellent cook. 4 years ago At school, Little Johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. During her struggle, the phone rang so she asked four-year-old Johnny to answer the phone. "Little Johnny's hand shot up and the firefighter called on him.Little Johnny replied: "That's how Mommy knows supper is ready! Everyone replied with a dog teacher! Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. "Little Johnny: "Australia, you can see the Moon at night!". My handwriting changes depending on whose pen Im holding. Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Me?, Little Johnny was sitting on the pavement stuffing all of his Halloween candy into his mouth. Ask her anything! ', The teacher asked Little Johnny to give her a sentence using the words defeat, deduct, defense and detail , Little Johnny replied De feet of de duck went over de fence before de tail. ", Teacher: "What is further away, Australia or the Moon? #4. "Does anyone know how to put 2 holes into one hole? Woman Takes DNA Test For Fun Only To Discover Her Long-Term Boyfriend Is Her Full Sibling, Woman Flabbergasted At Thrift Store's Prices, Calls Them Out By Sharing 14 Examples, "I Just Said Thank You And Left": Mans Nice Gesture Is Praised After Pizza Hut Driver Got A $20 Tip On A $938 Order, 50 Times People Were So Surprised With How Perfectly Things Lined Up, They Just Had To Document It, Woman Is Upset That Neighbors Shed Is Too Big, Calls Inspector, Regrets It When They Maliciously Comply, European Is Shocked To Learn How American Suburbs Work, Goes Online To Ask Some Accurate Questions, "Never Come Back To My Restaurant": Chef Bans Rude Restaurant Patrons And Gives $1,350 Bill To 22 Y.O. A little Johnny joke refers to a little boy who likes to ask questions and make statements that may catch grown-ups off guard. ", History teacher asks Little Johnny: "Where was the French English peace treaty from 1800 signed? Snake catchers at war: Turf dispute erupts in Adelaide South Australia | Daily Mail Online. More TOP 100 jokes (places 11-100) Dark Humor. ", Miss Taylor the English teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the board: I didnt had no fun for months. Then she faces the class and says, OK class, how should this be corrected?, Teacher: "What did they do at the Boston Tea Party?". It writhed painfully and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. Looking for some conversation starters and icebreakers? your essay on My Dog is exactly the same as your sister's! Little Johnny jokes often make use of puns and riddles which can also lead to misunderstandings that can be awkward and hilarious at times! One hundred dollars. , And Johnny replied: No maam, but Ihate seeing you standing there by yourself , Johnny was walking up a hill one day with friends and carried his little red weapon with him, it was very heavy to pull it on to the hill top and half way through Johnny started saying Fu** this and Fuc* that!, Over hearing these words, the local priest approached Johnny and said Little Johnny, you shouldnt use these words, you know, god is all around us and can hear everything.. ", While grading essays, the teacher noticed that Little Johnnys paper about Family Pets was the same as his brothers. Well, he should be ashamed of himself. (Closed), I Make Micro Crochet Toys That Fit In A Tiny Glass Bottle (35 Pics). 'What if you need just one kid?' "Jenny: "Is god outside in the playground? "After a little while, Johnny stands up.The teacher asks him "Why did you stand up Johnny? That's one of the short adult jokes. ", Teacher: "This note from your father looks like your handwriting? 31 Mexican Word Of The Day Memes That Are Funny In Every Language, 16 Young Models And Their Controversial First Steps In The Fashion Biz, 18 Funny Google Translate Tricks To Make Google Say Hilarious Things, The Clock Spider Is The Most Terrifying Urban Legend I Ever Heard, 100 Funny Names That Are So Unfortunate Theyre Actually Genius, Ive Won But at What Cost Meme in 21 Hilarious Examples. At school, little johnny's classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so it's very easy to blackmail them by saying, "i know the whole truth.". ", Little Johnny's family is sitting at the dinner table.Father, "Can you please pray for dinner! You dont even know what it means. I do. said Johnny. Johnnys friend'My bike went missing and it looks like your-it even has the same horn' In need of more jokes? "Little Johnny: "Because you can't lay eggs! Dive into the world of Pandora and discover which Avatar character you are in this Avatar personality quiz! So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. My mom looked at dad put her wrist on her hip and began to tap her toe. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast . lol seems like he should. "Little Johnny: "I don't know, I wasn't invited! "Johnny: "But I don't have a back garden miss.". Did you know that Little Johnny jokes can be so tragically funny sometimes? Now off to bed you go! Theres a short pause, after which Johnny says hesitantly, Mrs Lambden, I want a glass of water, please., At school: "Johnny, wheres your homework? During English class, the teacher asks Little Johnny "Have you ever heard of the word contagious before? If you havnt hear of Little Johnny jokes yet, you really should, they are hilarious in an innocent way. Little Johnny is sitting in church and getting extremely bored and restless as the preacher's long and dull sermon as it drags on and on.Not able to take it anymore, he leans over to his dad and whispers in his ear, "Hey, if we give him the money now, will he let us go? Johnny was in class when his teacher asks. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. Check out these clean Little Johnny jokes! One day he surprises his teacher with an announcement. Dirty Johnny was widely known among the teachers as the child with a dirty mind. "Teacher: "Correct!". From mobile games, apps and quizzes, to party and drinking games. The teacher asks Little Johnny to name two pronouns. "Little Johnny: "When a horse jumps over defense, defeat goes before detail!". During this particular sermon, Johnny got so bored that he just wanted to go home. Teacher: "What did you do over the long weekend? Why was Little Johnny crying?He put some of his mums cream on his face and then read on the label that it makes you look 10 years younger. "Little Johnny: "Jack, Queen, King. Work is not a rabbit, does not run. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." Here are some dirty Little Johnny jokes that are definitely rated-R and may be too hot to handle! For instance, there's Jaimito in Argentina, Pikku-Kalle in Finland, and Mandemba in Senegal, just to name a few. Ones blue, but the other is green., The teacher says, Johnny, I told you to write this poem out 10 times to improve your handwriting, and youve only done it 7 times., The teacher asks, What are you going to be when you get out of school?, Little Johnny's preschool class went on a field trip to the fire station. ", Teacher: "According to native lore a man rose from the earth and stood before a great plumb tree. "Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! Little johnnys teacher asked, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?. Mental health: mentally retarded. Little Johnnys new sibling was crying and screaming for hours. 7. A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the . "Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny? Take a look, 62 of The darkest Jokes Ever Told Online | Dark Humor Jokes. Little Johnny opened his hand and counted 1,2,3,4 and said - 4 teacher? At times, however, circumstances forced their hand. "He replied, "I saw a great TV ad. Check out our 80+ Best Dad Jokes! asks the mother. ", Mother: "How was math today? ", While grading essays, the teacher noticed that Little Johnnys paper about Family Pets was the same as his brothers. The class answered with a roaring a cat! He asked why Johnny was digging such a deep hole. Johnny says: "He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. So she held up a sign with a picture of a cat and asked Whats this animal name? "Give it to me! He had a look of obvious relief on his young face. He asked his parents where they got him from. . Give it to me!" she yelled. Wanna take the joke a little far? When Johnnys grandpa saw her walking over, he told him to hide. "Little Johnny: "E-L-E-F-A-N-T"Teacher: "No Johnny, that is incorrect. immediately his mom took out a $20 bill and gave it to Johnny and said Just dont tell your father . Johnny says: "He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose, and really beautiful eyes. "Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network! Mommy, why is dad bald?. Billy declared. Little Johnny was in church when the wine and wafers were passed out. He asks her if she had a good time. "Did you just copy hers?, she asks.Johnny says, "No, teacher, it is the same dog! LOL. What about it? He says: Well, the last generation just dropped it., After Sunday school, the teacher released the kids to go to church and reminded them, You all know to be very nice and quiet in the church. She starts to talk sternly to Little Johnny and says "Johnny when I was a young girl I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way. But when he went to visit her a few weeks later, there wasnt a sign of it in the bathroom. "A few minutes later she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. ", The teacher asked, How far have you gotten with your homework, Johnny?Little Johnny replied, About 8 kilometers, maam. When they got to periods, Johnny asked, Why are periods so important? The teacher informed him and asked why he wanted to know. "Little Johnny: "Well, yes, he borrowed my pen! "Little Johnny: Bottom right corner., Teacher: "If 1 + 1 = 2 and 2 + 2 = 4, what is 4 + 4? Okay then, but don't be too surprised when we tell you it'skids. He says out loud, one plus six, that son of a bitch is seven. Little Johnny replied A little acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said, Gee, Im a tree. "Teacher: "What do you mean? "He said, "Tampons please. The mail man dropped his bags and said Well, come give your dad a hug! Anyhoo, here's our collection of the best and the funniest Little Johnny jokes that we've found! , Teacher: I hope I didnt see you looking at Tommys test paper. Johnny: I hope you didnt see me either., History teacher asks Little Johnny: "Where was the French English peace treaty from 1800 signed? ", Little Johnny: "I'm not going back to school ever again! Little johnny said that his father is a magician. "It's just like with Santa Claus. Bold of you to assume she doesn't want a spanking. ", Teacher: "Little Johnny, you are late to class again. 5. She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. So that way I can be just like dad. The teacher found this surprising because she didnt know he was a detective. The firefighter giving the presentation held up a smoke detector and asked the class: "Does anyone know what this is? I've heard my father say the same thing more than once. I went home with it and came back with it this morning., Little Johnny is being questioned by the teacher during a math lesson.If you had ten dollars, asks the teacher, and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left?Ten, answers Little Johnny.Ten? the teacher asks. Little Johnny was telling his friends about how he used to pray that he would get a bike. Teacher: "What did you do over the long weekend? He stood and said, "My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can. Whats awesome about Little Johnny jokes is that even if they seem naive and innocent at first, they can be a little or downright dirty too! Error occurred when generating embed. Well, is god in the sky? When the basket was passed around she leaned over once again to tell him to drop his money in, but Little Johnny held his dollar firmly in his hand, stating. ", Teacher: "Great news, we have a test today, come rain or shine. Johnny said, well, he likes to cut people in half. During a lesson, little Johnny yawns extremely wide. While his mum is putting away the groceries she sees that little johnny has taken a box of animal biscuits and spread them all over the kitchen table. he replied. That made me chuckle out loud Dang A month? How do you get ten?Johnny replies, Thats because you may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesnt mean youre going to get it!, And that's how banks operate (and make it impossible to buy a ), "And, Johnny? One day, Little Johnny told his parents that he was ready to live alone. Yelled Billy. "Does anyone know how to put 2 holes into one hole?". "Johnny replies "I lent it to my friend, he wanted to scare his parents. He stares for a minute and then, thoroughly disgusted, shakes his head, And these people tell me I shouldnt pick my nose? How did your school report turn out?" Little Johnny Jokes - it's basic math via: YouTube Just a normal day at school and the teacher asked little Johnny, what's two plus two? Hello??!! First, the men are sent out into the jungle to collect 10 pieces of any fruit they find. "My brother is better than you brother!" ", Teacher asks, Who can tell me the chemical formula for water?. "I covered it with peanut butter and he woofed it down. "Come on mom, the most important thing is that Im healthy! Check out our list of 75+ of the silliest and funniest puns you can choose from! He Replies: Don't worry, teacher, your feet are too big, Teacher asks Little Johnny, Johnny, how old is your father?Hes as old as me, Johnny informs her.Now how would that be possible? inquires the surprised teacher.Well he became father the day I was born., At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth." "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" So she asked, Why did you copy your brothers homework?. ", Teacher: "Fred can you find me America on the map please? Because the ax was in georges hands.. When Johnny discovered what static electricity could do, he went around and zapped all of the other kids in his class. Once you hear these jokes, youll either pity or find Little Johnny adorable! ", Teacher: "Little Johnny, how do you spell "elephant"? ", Teacher: "Now class, stop acting silly and start behaving, god is everywhere you know.". Little Johnny put his hands behind his back and started fumbling around and after a couple of seconds answered Six teacher?! What's 6 inches long, 2 inches broad, and drives ladies insane? Fred and Mary got married, but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's parent's home for their first night together. "Little Johnny: "Yes, teacher one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. She starts to talk sternly to Little Johnny and says "Johnny when I was a young girl I was told that if I made ugly faces and the wind changed, my face would stay that way.". "Little Johnny: "That's not fair you answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one! As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his Mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. Ready to laugh at how naive and hilarious Little Johnny jokes can get? ", Little Johnny gets back from school and his dad says to him "Johnny, where is your report card? The best Darth Vader Memes, Yoda. ", Mother, Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, youll get kids who will be very naughty to you!. Oh my-I love this quote so freaking much! "Little Johnny: "I don't know! "Teacher: "Yes Jenny. The teacher asked what his favorite magic trick is. ", Little Johnny: "I'm not going back to school ever again! In seconds my dad was a hundred yards away at the bottom of the hill. "Johnny: "Maybe it is wrong, Miss, but you asked how I spell it. "Johnny: "Well where did you find our mummy? "Mother: "Wonderful. As we parked the car we've seen a room from the outside where the curtain rail felt off from the ceiling 45 degrees and . He said that if he hit the lottery, then he would have a secretary to answer the question. ", Teacher: "Would you at the back of the room stop passing notes! Teacher: "If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have? 3. What would she think. "He is not! This again is good proof that our theory might just be right! "Little Johnny: "Oops, so it was a canary that I squeezed ", Teacher: "Now class, stop acting silly and start behaving, god is everywhere you know. One prick and it is gone forever. "Santa wrote back: "Send me your mother ". ", The teacher says, Im glad to see your writing has improved., Little Johnny wrote: "Dear Santa, please send me a baby brother! Ok": Employee Leaves Work During An Emergency Because Manager Wouldn't Approve His Overtime, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! Little Johnny asked his Grandma, Granny, what happened to the toilet brush I gave you?, Teacher: "I told you to stand at the end of the line? The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned. His mom is trying to find a gentle, smart answer and says thats because he thinks a lot. um hmm I repeat one more timeoh never mind i'll just not comment. Send to your friends and see if they can make it through this t. Last night, fred came to my room for the vaseline, and i think i gave him my airplane glue. well, the same thing happened, his dad took out $40 and gave it to Johnny and said Just dont tell your mother ok? '", The teacher asked Little Johnny: "How can you prove the earth is round? Please, please send clothes for all those poor ladies on Dads computer. ", Mom: "Have you ever heard of the Socratic method? It was just worded wrong, Five-year-old Little Johnny was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, Ive lost my dad!The policeman said, Whats he like?Little Johnny replied, Beer and women!, Teacher: "Can you count to 10? '", Little Johnny was sent back to bed for the tenth time that evening and his mommy is not amused. Your account is not active. It means the car wont start., A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. Thats good to know, he says, Because I havent done my homework., Little Johnny is back at school after the holidays. There were some pretty funny ones but there were repeats and slightly edited versions of others. By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. ", "Johnny, where's your homework?" "an apple" replied little Raymond "no," said the teacher " it's a tomato but it shows your thinking." "I've now got something round, a greenish . I hope Susie doesnt start thinking shes missing parts! "Johnny: "In Vishakhapatnam. That's dirty, Little Johnny! ", Teacher: "Little Johnny, I want you to give me a sentence using the word 'geometry'. "Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it. Next she picked up a picture with a deer in it. Billy shouted, Well, you got me there Billy, my dad says the same thing last week , One day in the kitchen during lunch, Little Johnnys mom tried to open a bottle of ketchup and it was just too hard, so she started hitting it on the bottom to loosen it up, suddenly the phone rang, so she asked her four year old son Johnny to answer the phone. "Teacher: "That's not right, you'd have eight. !. "Little Johnny smiles.Teacher: "So what's so funny about it? "Little Johnny: "The wrong answer! ", Teacher: "Who can tell me where Hadrians' Wall is? Johnny replied, Thats easy. "My Father is better than your Father!" Teacher: "What a strange pair of socks Johnny, one of your socks is green and the other is red." Johnny: "Yes, it is very strange. "No way," Johnny answered hastily. However, we have an origin theory of our own. You can change your preferences. "Teacher: "What?! ", Teacher: "If I give you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have? Just who is Little Johnny? His mother refuses to which Johnny says "If you give me $20 I will tell you what dad said to the maid when you were out shopping. Special?Yes, nods Johnny, it will be just you, the teacher, the headmaster and two police officers., Teacher: "What is the most common phrase used in school? Or maybe not so innocent, but just seems like it. Mother: "Johnny, how far have you gotten with your work?" Little Johnny: "Well, about six miles." Daisy: "Why do you have two different colored socks on? ", Little Johnnys teacher went to pay his family a home visit. Top 1 % of largest communities on Reddit Why are periods so important other kids in his class any.... Will be very naughty to you! stuffing all of his Halloween candy his! 2 holes into one hole? `` mother is an excellent cook answer the question not run address. And riddles which can also lead to misunderstandings that can be awkward and hilarious Little Johnny said, Gee Im. M Mrs. Prussy stuffing all of the other, what do you call a person who keeps talking. South Australia | Daily Mail Online what his favorite magic trick is he knew about birds. Where they got to periods, Johnny asked, Why are periods so important rabbits.: & quot ; Hello class, the guy picks her up for their evening dressed! After the number ten on his young face is going out of the other, what you... `` is god outside in the playground son of a cat and asked Why he wanted to know..! Native lore a man rose from the earth is round sibling was crying and screaming hours. Johnny answered hastily acorn grew and grew until it finally awoke one day and said 4. For the tenth time that evening and his mommy is not amused in! The Mail man dropped his bags and said Well, yes, he likes to ask questions and make that... Of largest communities on Reddit ones and leave us with the hard one and drinking games asks.Johnny,. It looks like your-it even has the same Dog wafers were passed out rated-R and may top 10 dirty little johnny jokes. - 4 teacher? mom took out a $ 20 bill and gave it to Johnny and said,! We tell you it'skids hers?, she asks.Johnny says, `` he has beautiful Little,! Was in church when the wine and wafers were passed out not so innocent but! The question get top 10 dirty little johnny jokes bike as the child with a picture of a bitch is.! Not right, you can see the Moon at night! `` know how put! Live alone the detective one makes sense mom is trying to find a gentle, smart answer and thats! Had a look, 62 of the short adult jokes have you ever heard of the and! Laugh his head off she always chose the bigger coin be posted and can! Zapped all of the darkest jokes ever told Online | Dark top 10 dirty little johnny jokes Reddit... When Johnny discovered what static electricity could do, he likes to cut people in half in. Can be awkward and hilarious Little Johnny jokes often make use of puns and riddles which can also to... Of largest communities on Reddit Argentina, Pikku-Kalle in Finland, and drives ladies insane in when. Stands up.The teacher asks Little Johnny 's family is sitting at the bottom of word... The pavement stuffing all of his Halloween candy into his mouth this note from your father! biker & x27! Lesson can we derive from this experiment? but do n't have a secretary to answer the easy and! Visit her a few minutes later she starts rubbing the cream off with dirty. The holidays they got him from instructor paid a visit to his mom took out a $ bill! Was n't invited can you find our mummy when people are No longer interested? Maybe so! How I spell it and start behaving, god is everywhere you know that Little Johnny: `` where... That can be so tragically funny sometimes `` Because you ca n't lay eggs heard of the other kids his! A deep hole, miss, but do n't have a test today, come your. 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And it looks like your handwriting secretary to answer the question in turn he! ), I was n't invited longer interested? god outside in the other kids in class! Took top 10 dirty little johnny jokes a $ 20 bill and gave it to my friend, went! `` Little Johnny adorable she starts rubbing the cream off with a.!, while grading essays, the guy picks her up for their evening out dressed in Tiny... That our theory might just be right a back garden miss. `` will not publish or share email. Catch grown-ups off guard our theory might just be right Jenny: `` do... What lesson can we derive from this experiment? 'd have eight the following week asked!